Have you ever?

Have you ever just felt like life isn't going anywhere? Like things will be like this for the rest of your life? I do. I'm currently going to school to become a paralegal. I've been in a 2 year technical college for 3 years now. I didn't take the "year off to find myself" like some teens do when they graduate. I started college.
Here lately, I've just wanted to be able to live on my own. To know what it's like to not live with your parents. To not have to answer to anyone but God. I was talking with a friend Friday about how I would like to move out, but can't. It's not really that I can't though, it's just that I can't afford to move out at the moment. I have too many things I'm paying for and my job doesn't allow enough money to pay for everything plus an apartment. For sure once I'm settled into a paralegal position, I hope to move out.
Sometimes I just wish that my days would be different. During the week, Monday thru Thursday, it's be at school from 8-9, find something to do (at school or in athens) from 9-12:15. Then there is class from 12:15 to 1:20. Then i go home and take a shower and come to work. Usually that's how it works unless I'm off work. Then I don't really do anything different. Instead of sitting and doing nothing at work, I'm sitting and doing nothing at home.
I wish I could travel. I think on a Friday that I'm off, I'm going to drive up to the moments. It's not that far up the road. And maybe I can find someone to go with me. Maybe I could find a day when Jason could ride with me. I haven't really hung out with Jason since we broke up in January. I've been meaning to at least go see him. We are still friends and talk often. I would much rather have him as a friend than a boyfriend. Don't ask me why... I just do.
I don't feel much better after writing this entry, but maybe I can find something that will help me to realize that maybe things aren't as bad as they seem to me.

No comments: